On Self-Love by Shatoyia Jones ’19

 

      Today, I am a confident female with active goals and dreams so big that I tend to become uncomfortable telling others about them. I am of African-American, Indian, and Caucasian descent. I consider myself a child of God, who happens to be my Heavenly Father.  Thus, I am royalty and entitled to the desires of my heart if it be in His will. I am full of hope, love, compassion, generosity, and humility.  I am the lyrics I listen to and the things I am passionate about. I have a unique style and attitude towards life, a “too-mature-for-my-age” mentality that sets me apart from “the kids of my generation.” However, I am also the pain of my past and present, the sacrifice of my being, and the sin into which I was born.  I am not perfect, nor “holier than thou.” I am the lies I’ve told, the hurtful words I have spoken, the bitterness and anger that I held inside for so long… or I was.  Like many individuals I know, I am a broken soul under construction that is learning to make peace with my whole self and the world I live in.  

      I’m not saying my life is all peachy; I go against the norm in speech, action, and style; heck, trying to live out the Christian lifestyle is tough in itself.  But whatever.  None of you will determine if I end up in heaven or hell, that’s for sure.  “If there are such things,” you say.

     Well, I believe.

      Because of yesterday, my future will be bright and full of purpose. I hope to live a life that proves (my motto), “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” to be true. Sometimes I forget this when I’m struggling and I fail, but I always get back up (Praise God.) I want to be the inspiration for others to put their faith/trust in God, rather than humans or money, status, titles, etc.  I aim to be a positive, strong individual who took her past and decided to use it to her benefit and not her downfall.  I strive to  give hope to others that life gets better.  I hope to be successful and prosperous, wealthier in knowledge and experience than in pocket. Overall, I hope to be an image of my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.

      Society would think that I am “tragically black.”  I live in a world that constantly wants to bring me down.  The idea is associated with not only my being “young and dumb” and prevalent racist ideology but also with the stereotypical ideas of  rap/”booty-shaking” music, provocative clothing, filthy language and slang, poverty, and false hair (also known as weave).  Despite all of this folly negativity, I am not tragically black.  My blemished skin, its lovely color, and my curly hair are NATURALLY beautiful.  My brown eyes are just as beautiful as blue or green ones.  Be this as it may, this is not what truly defines my beauty. Do not mistake my words; black is beautiful—every darn shade. I am beautiful because of my personality and actions toward others. Though I may not be understood by society or people in general, I am wonderfully made because my Heavenly Father told me so.  I am educated and capable of doing extraordinary and POSITIVE things in not just the academic world, but in life itself. I am a child of God and therefore royalty.  I put my trust in him and therefore I am more than a conqueror.  Though I am not sinless, I have decided to live a Christian lifestyle, and I tend to sin less. No I am not perfect, but I am not worthless either.  I make mistakes, but I am not a mistake.

      Neither are you.  Will you love yourself today?

sjones19@amherst.edu

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